Self worth 101

You know what's funny to me? When I'm talking to someone and asking how they are doing. I hear the same answers usually. "I'm good" or "I'm fine, thanks" or how 'bout the famous "I'm okay,...." and then spilling out to you everything that is wrong in their lives.

Usually that is a pessimistic person of which I am not. What I mean is how people get into their ruts in life, but do nothing about them. I strongly believe your mind has the power to change the way you think and feel about things. I hear how people hate their job, or their best friend just wronged them, or their boyfriend/girlfriend isn't there for them or something to that matter. Basically just something to complain about.

Now, if you will please just take a minute and a breath and look into yourself and ask "Is this me? Am I that kind of person?" I say this because believe it or not, but you have complete control over your actions, your thoughts, and everything you do. You don't have to do anything anybody tells you to do. I don't know about you, but the word "NO" can be very powerful.

For instance... maybe your boss is offering you a position of which most of it sounds good, but in the long run, its just benefiting them. Say this with me.. NO THANK YOU. Not too hard right? You don't have to take it just because they might offer .25 cents more an hour. What is that? Did you bend over while they offered that to you?

Okay, next scenario... I hate my job but I can't quit cause I need the money. Okay people, when did money become so important that our sanity doesn't matter anymore? Ever heard of enjoying life? Taking a week off to travel? Going to some amazing place "even if it's just your back yard" to get away? I just think this world could be happier if people just learned to enjoy things a little more instead of feeling trapped. The number one reason I hear people staying in their J-O-B which means "Journey Of the Broke" is because they have insurance.... OMG! That is ridiculous. The golden handcuffs to life right? Ever heard of shopping around for insurance? YOU PAY INTO INSURANCE NO MATTER WHAT!!!!

So my point is, get out of your ruts people. If your woman or man is wronging you, then leave. What? You aren't strong enough? Okay, go to some counselor, get out all of your anger, self pitty, and childhood problems out on the table. When thats done, look at yourself everyday and remember that you have a purpose in this life. How important are you? or How important would you like to feel? If your answer is very important, then change something in your life. Fix your problem and the next time someone asks you how you are doing, politely say "Unbelievable" Why do you say that? Because you might be going through a hard time, so it's unbelievable, or your life might be soooo good, that you know what? It's unbelievable. You have to start somewhere people. Start making changes to better you, to love you, to appreciate your well being, to know that you are a human and you have the power to become anything you ever wanted. Get out and change you and you too will be able to love your life a little more everyday!

I hope this helps you friends. I know each of you like to get my advice, so this was my quick way of helping those of you who ask. And for those who didn't, well, I hope this helps you too.

Playing naughty (10/21/2008)

I know that most women read 'Cosmo' so I'm sure everyone has read the current 'red hot read'...

Let's just say that I have had dreams that pretty much follow that story.

The beginning of the article is pretty exact to what I felt standing in front of him for the first time since the last time we saw eachother 8 years earlier.

And the rest of the story...well, it varies in my dreams, but still goes with the general idea of being with the person you were in love with again after a long stretch of time apart.

If you could copyright your dreams, I'd sue for plagrisiam! (again, no spell check on the phone!)

Good Friends & A glass of wine (10/20/2008)

So a few days ago I started a post & somehow when I was finished, it didn't post. Maybe a wrong button was pushed (I am using my phone!)

Anyways I don't remember everyting I wrote but from what I can remember I said I had finished reading 'The Choice' by Nicholas Sparks & would reccomend (no spell check on the phone) it to anyone to read.

Also that Flogging Molly was a kick ass show at the Chico State BMU!!!! I'm just sorry that Nichole decided to stay home. I love when nationally know bands come to Chico & play the Senator or the BMU, it's so cool because the venues aren't arena sized & it's more personal.

Back to reading real quick...I know I've read the book I'm currently reading I think my senior year but I liked it & wanted to read it again. 'A Tree Grows In Brooklyn'...another book I would reccomend.

Oh I also said that I had watched 'Sex & the city' the movie even though I have never watched a single episode of that show. It was fun to watch & Brad even stayed up & watched part of it with me. I asked my BFF what character she thought I would be but she never texted me her answer.

Carissa ran a half marathon this last weekend in Portland!!!! Her time was 1:55:17...I'm so proud of her & I miss her like crazy! I need to go visit her! I should wrap myself up & visit at christmas!

We drove up to Grass Valley yesterday to kill time before I had to don the Red & Khaki's...It's a nice quiet hilly little town. I went to a wedding there YEARS ago, so I don't remember much of it. It has a cute historic downtown district. Lots of little shops that you can't really take kids into, so Brad & I will have to go back again by ourselves.

Tomorrow is Pumpkin Patch field trip day for Layla. Teagan went last week. We bought 3 pumpkins at Wal-Mart though, cause it seems that the field ones are a bit on the small side this year.

Well, it's Monday & I have chores to do. Time to get started, plus my BFF just texted me with some relationship woes...this is where a glass of wine comes in handy. That or a trip to Joe's

Creamy Chicken Noodle soup was what he used to make me when I was feeling sick (10/15/2008)

48-7!!!!! PSU is 7-0 in the country but 6 in the Big TEN....HOW is that possible? I just don't understand.

My manager broke her collar bone yesterday playing rugby. Yes SHE broke it playing RUGBY! She is about the same size as me but a little bit slimmer, mom of 2 and totally sporty. I wanted to go watch her game one saturday but couldn't get around to getting out of the house.

Flogging Molly is going to be at the BMU thursday night! Luckily tickets are affordable so there is a chance I'll be packing my bottle ofJameson & sporting some plaid!

I put aside my current book I've been reading to start another. Why start another before I finshed the first one? I don't know, maybe cause I've been wanting to read 'The Cranberry Queen' forever, it'll still be there when I finish 'The Choice'...which at first didn't hold my attention. But I think it's because I'm sick.

Sick....yup my first head cold of the year. I slept almost all day friday, half of saturday & alittle bit of today. I didn't get my bathroom paint so I'll be sleeping after I take the girls to school instead of painting my bathroom. Which now that I think about it, the paint fumes would probably make me feel even sicker.

I think being sick brings on all these exciting dreams of people from my past.

Perhaps there is a greener side on the other side of the fence.

Rock N Roll Train (10/11/2008)

I try to watch VH1 in the mornings because music helps me get moving. Especially when my head is in a fog & I feel lethargic.

I've heard it before a few times & have watched the video. The sound & beat is familiar and somewhat nostalgic.

AC/DC has a new album out; 'Black Ice' To me it sounds just like every other song they've sung before, that we faithfully rush to the dance floor to be 'shook all night'
(Oh & O.A.R. reminds me of David Gray...at least his voice does)

Back to me feeling in a fog & lethargic...I had last night off, a FRIDAY night off, and I went to bed at 8:00!!!! (like it matters, I have every friday off) anyways I practically slept all day on & off.

I took the girls to school & went to Target to pick up some stuff for Brad's mystery case of full body hives. (another posting) Both of us felt like crap all day & slept our share of catnaps. I had laundry to do & some picking up to do but it didn't get done.

I wanted steak for dinner but I had no energy, plus it was windy as Chicago & I didn't want BBQ, so fish sticks for the girls it was. Quick & easy & full of no nutrional value at all. They scarffed them down so at least they didn't starve.

Because I went to bed at 8pm I figured I'd be wide awake at 2 or 3 in the morning...but I wasn't. I slept like a log & had some AMAZING dreams. (always a plus :)

I'm just curious to find out why they were all about people from my past. Oh well, since the bedroom is a little quiet lately, whatever happens with people from my past in dreams, is fine with me!!!

feeling lucky? (10/5/2008)

Teagan found TWO 4 leaf clovers today. Maybe it's a sign? Maybe Brad & I need to get a babysitter and go to the casino soon! Maybe this is a sign that something good is going to happen to us? Lord knows we need some luck of the draw.

On the other hand, PENN State won yesterday! The score was 20-6, with Purdue habging their heads in defeat! PSU is currently 1 in the BIG TEN conference!!!!

Also, Brad & I are thinking of moving back to Texas within a year or sooner. We love it there & it's home to us. That's where we started our family. Plus, it doesn't get any better when you can buy a house for $90,000 instead of the same house in Ca for $500,000!!!!!

Cheater Cheater (9/17/2008)

I love this song...if any of you watched the CMT show "Can You Duet?" you'll know that Rory & Joey sang this song, and now I hear it on the radio. It's so funny and I just love it! So hear are the lyrics to it!!! Enjoy!





Cheater, cheater where'd you meet her down at Ernie's bar?..:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" />

Did she smile your way and twirl her hair and say,

How cute your dimples are?


Did she use that line 'your place or mine' while you danced with her real slow?

Tell me cheater, cheater where'd you meet that no good white trash ho


Liar, liar did you buy her whiskey or rum
Did you hide your ring in the pocket of your jeans

Or did you just keep it on



When the deed was done an you had your fun

Did you think I wouldn't know?

Tell me cheater, cheater where'd you meet that no good white trash ho


Now I'm not one to judge someone that I ain't never met
But to lay your hand on a married man's bout as low as a gal can get
Hey I wish her well and she rots in hell and you can tell her I said so
Cheater , cheater where'd you meet that no good white trash ho


Loser, loser hope you love her cause you're stuck with her now
Take your sorry butt load up all your stuff and get the hell out of my house



But I just wish you'd tell me this one thing before you go
Tell me cheater, cheater where'd you meet that low down uptown, slept with every guy around, pressed on eyelash no good white trash ho

Fast, Fun & Friendly; with a little gossip tossed in (8/30/2008)

I had a great time last night, and we really should make it a point to do it every payday! You all made my birthday really fun, and I appreciate it so much.
You girls, are truly genuine people and I'm glad to have you in my circle of friends!

Thank you again, and see you soon!

This woman has a point to make and I think she made it last night (8/27/2008)

Hilary Clinton's Democratic Convention Speech:

I am honored to be here tonight. A proud mother. A proud Democrat. A proud American. And a proud supporter of Barack Obama.

My friends, it is time to take back the country we love.

Whether you voted for me, or voted for Barack, the time is now to unite as a single party with a single purpose. We are on the same team, and none of us can sit on the sidelines.

This is a fight for the future. And it's a fight we must win.

I haven't spent the past 35 years in the trenches advocating for children, campaigning for universal health care, helping parents balance work and family, and fighting for women's rights at home and around the world ... to see another Republican in the White House squander the promise of our country and the hopes of our people.

And you haven't worked so hard over the last 18 months, or endured the last eight years, to suffer through more failed leadership.

No way. No how. No McCain.

Barack Obama is my candidate. And he must be our president.

Tonight we need to remember what a presidential election is really about. When the polls have closed, and the ads are finally off the air, it comes down to you — the American people, your lives, and your children's futures.

For me, it's been a privilege to meet you in your homes, your workplaces, and your communities. Your stories reminded me everyday that America's greatness is bound up in the lives of the American people — your hard work, your devotion to duty, your love for your children, and your determination to keep going, often in the face of enormous obstacles.

You taught me so much, you made me laugh, and ... you even made me cry. You allowed me to become part of your lives. And you became part of mine.

I will always remember the single mom who had adopted two kids with autism, didn't have health insurance and discovered she had cancer. But she greeted me with her bald head painted with my name on it and asked me to fight for health care.

I will always remember the young man in a Marine Corps T-shirt who waited months for medical care and said to me: "Take care of my buddies; a lot of them are still over there ... and then will you please help take care of me?"

I will always remember the boy who told me his mom worked for the minimum wage and that her employer had cut her hours. He said he just didn't know what his family was going to do.

I will always be grateful to everyone from all fifty states, Puerto Rico and the territories, who joined our campaign on behalf of all those people left out and left behind by the Bush Administration.

To my supporters, my champions — my sisterhood of the traveling pantsuits — from the bottom of my heart: Thank you.

You never gave in. You never gave up. And together we made history.

Along the way, America lost two great Democratic champions who would have been here with us tonight. One of our finest young leaders, Arkansas Democratic Party Chair, Bill Gwatney, who believed with all his heart that America and the South could be and should be Democratic from top to bottom.

And Congresswoman Stephanie Tubbs Jones, a dear friend to many of us, a loving mother and courageous leader who never gave up her quest to make America fairer and smarter, stronger and better. Steadfast in her beliefs, a fighter of uncommon grace, she was an inspiration to me and to us all.

Our heart goes out to Stephanie's son, Mervyn, Jr., and Bill's wife, Rebecca, who traveled to Denver to join us at our convention.

Bill and Stephanie knew that after eight years of George Bush, people are hurting at home, and our standing has eroded around the world. We have a lot of work ahead.

Jobs lost, houses gone, falling wages, rising prices. The Supreme Court in a right-wing headlock and our government in partisan gridlock. The biggest deficit in our nation's history. Money borrowed from the Chinese to buy oil from the Saudis.

Putin and Georgia, Iraq and Iran.

I ran for president to renew the promise of America. To rebuild the middle class and sustain the American Dream, to provide the opportunity to work hard and have that work rewarded, to save for college, a home and retirement, to afford the gas and groceries and still have a little left over each month.

To promote a clean energy economy that will create millions of green collar jobs.

To create a health care system that is universal, high quality, and affordable so that parents no longer have to choose between care for themselves or their children or be stuck in dead end jobs simply to keep their insurance.

To create a world class education system and make college affordable again.

To fight for an America defined by deep and meaningful equality — from civil rights to labor rights, from women's rights to gay rights, from ending discrimination to promoting unionization to providing help for the most important job there is: caring for our families. To help every child live up to his or her God-given potential.

To make America once again a nation of immigrants and a nation of laws.

To bring fiscal sanity back to Washington and make our government an instrument of the public good, not of private plunder.

To restore America's standing in the world, to end the war in Iraq, bring our troops home and honor their service by caring for our veterans.

And to join with our allies to confront our shared challenges, from poverty and genocide to terrorism and global warming.

Most of all, I ran to stand up for all those who have been invisible to their government for eight long years.

Those are the reasons I ran for president. Those are the reasons I support Barack Obama. And those are the reasons you should too.

I want you to ask yourselves: Were you in this campaign just for me? Or were you in it for that young Marine and others like him? Were you in it for that mom struggling with cancer while raising her kids? Were you in it for that boy and his mom surviving on the minimum wage? Were you in it for all the people in this country who feel invisible?

We need leaders once again who can tap into that special blend of American confidence and optimism that has enabled generations before us to meet our toughest challenges. Leaders who can help us show ourselves and the world that with our ingenuity, creativity, and innovative spirit, there are no limits to what is possible in America.

This won't be easy. Progress never is. But it will be impossible if we don't fight to put a Democrat in the White House.

We need to elect Barack Obama because we need a President who understands that America can't compete in a global economy by padding the pockets of energy speculators, while ignoring the workers whose jobs have been shipped overseas. We need a president who understands that we can't solve the problems of global warming by giving windfall profits to the oil companies while ignoring opportunities to invest in new technologies that will build a green economy.

We need a President who understands that the genius of America has always depended on the strength and vitality of the middle class.

Barack Obama began his career fighting for workers displaced by the global economy. He built his campaign on a fundamental belief that change in this country must start from the ground up, not the top down. He knows government must be about "We the people" not "We the favored few."

And when Barack Obama is in the White House, he'll revitalize our economy, defend the working people of America, and meet the global challenges of our time. Democrats know how to do this. As I recall, President Clinton and the Democrats did it before. And President Obama and the Democrats will do it again.

He'll transform our energy agenda by creating millions of green jobs and building a new, clean energy future. He'll make sure that middle class families get the tax relief they deserve. And I can't wait to watch Barack Obama sign a health care plan into law that covers every single American.

Barack Obama will end the war in Iraq responsibly and bring our troops home _a first step to repairing our alliances around the world.

And he will have with him a terrific partner in Michelle Obama. Anyone who saw Michelle's speech last night knows she will be a great first lady for America.

Americans are also fortunate that Joe Biden will be at Barack Obama's side. He is a strong leader and a good man. He understands both the economic stresses here at home and the strategic challenges abroad. He is pragmatic, tough, and wise. And, of course, Joe will be supported by his wonderful wife, Jill.

They will be a great team for our country.

Now, John McCain is my colleague and my friend.

He has served our country with honor and courage.

But we don't need four more years ... of the last eight years.

More economic stagnation ... and less affordable health care.

More high gas prices ... and less alternative energy.

More jobs getting shipped overseas ... and fewer jobs created here.

More skyrocketing debt ... home foreclosures ... and mounting bills that are crushing our middle class families.

More war ... less diplomacy.

More of a government where the privileged come first ... and everyone else comes last.

John McCain says the economy is fundamentally sound. John McCain doesn't think that 47 million people without health insurance is a crisis. John McCain wants to privatize Social Security. And in 2008, he still thinks it's OK when women don't earn equal pay for equal work.

With an agenda like that, it makes sense that George Bush and John McCain will be together next week in the Twin Cities. Because these days they're awfully hard to tell apart.

America is still around after 232 years because we have risen to the challenge of every new time, changing to be faithful to our values of equal opportunity for all and the common good.

And I know what that can mean for every man, woman, and child in America. I'm a United States senator because in 1848 a group of courageous women and a few brave men gathered in Seneca Falls, New York, many traveling for days and nights, to participate in the first convention on women's rights in our history.

And so dawned a struggle for the right to vote that would last 72 years, handed down by mother to daughter to granddaughter — and a few sons and grandsons along the way.

These women and men looked into their daughters' eyes, imagined a fairer and freer world, and found the strength to fight. To rally and picket. To endure ridicule and harassment. To brave violence and jail.

And after so many decades — 88 years ago on this very day — the 19th amendment guaranteeing women the right to vote would be forever enshrined in our Constitution.

My mother was born before women could vote. But in this election my daughter got to vote for her mother for president.

This is the story of America. Of women and men who defy the odds and never give up.

How do we give this country back to them?

By following the example of a brave New Yorker, a woman who risked her life to shepherd slaves along the Underground Railroad.

And on that path to freedom, Harriet Tubman had one piece of advice.

If you hear the dogs, keep going.

If you see the torches in the woods, keep going.

If they're shouting after you, keep going.

Don't ever stop. Keep going.

If you want a taste of freedom, keep going.

Even in the darkest of moments, ordinary Americans have found the faith to keep going.

I've seen it in you. I've seen it in our teachers and firefighters, nurses and police officers, small business owners and union workers, the men and women of our military — you always keep going.

We are Americans. We're not big on quitting.

But remember, before we can keep going, we have to get going by electing Barack Obama president.

We don't have a moment to lose or a vote to spare.

Nothing less than the fate of our nation and the future of our children hang in the balance.

I want you to think about your children and grandchildren come election day. And think about the choices your parents and grandparents made that had such a big impact on your life and on the life of our nation.

We've got to ensure that the choice we make in this election honors the sacrifices of all who came before us, and will fill the lives of our children with possibility and hope.

That is our duty, to build that bright future, and to teach our children that in America there is no chasm too deep, no barrier too great — and no ceiling too high — for all who work hard, never back down, always keep going, have faith in God, in our country, and in each other.

Thank you so much. God bless America and Godspeed to you all.

All by myself (8/18/2008)

Layla GeorgeAnna
1st day of Kindergarten!



Teagan LeeAnne, first day of 1st Grade!




Teagan and Layla, Growing up SO fast!






Mommy & her girls.




It's so sad to know that they are entering the big world already!
But at the same time it's exciting!
They are both so smart already, they're not going to have any problems.
They're both very outgoing little girls and make friends easily.
I thought I would have cried when I walked away this morning, but I didn't.
But now I feel the tears coming.
I am one for delayed reactions that's for sure!

That's all it took, one click of a button (8/17/2008)

I wish I hadn't seen you out in Chico that night before I moved away. I wish I hadn't let you come home with me that night. I wish I hadn't slept with you one more last time. I wish you didn't tell me that I messed up your life plan when you saw me out that night. I wish I hadn't written you letters to keep you company. I wish I didn't keep in touch with you when I moved. I wish you didn't ask me to come see you. I wish you hadn't written me on Classmates 2 years ago. I wish you wouldn't have kept emailing me all day everyday for about 3 weeks. I wish you didn't ask me to meet you after work one night so we could see eachother for the first time in years. I wish you didn't look at me the way you did that night. I wish you didn't tell me the things you told me. I wish you didn't hug me when we saw eachother. I wish I could erase the images of you in Wrangler's and Airwalks. I wish I could forget your favorite song. I wish you hadn't shown me the picture of her with him. I wish I hadn't run into your mom the times I did, only to hear how you were doing. I wish I wasn't recognized by your sister-in-law at Walmart. I wish I had the will to get rid of the photos and all the other memoriablia. I wish the last time we spoke was when you picked up your things from my apartment. I wish I could suffer from long term memory loss so that your out of my head for good. I wish I hadn't began talking to her. I wish that I did't remember so much about you. I wish that I didn't have a dream about you today. I wish I wouldn't have thoughts about you two not working out. I wish I would have never given you my whole heart, because I didn't know you would never give it back. I wish that I could just get over it all. I wish I could go back in time and erase the past so that I would have never met you.

I wish for a lot, but I don't regret any of it. I just want to finally be over you. I thought I was over you and had closure, until I checked my email 2 years ago.

My girl is home from South America! (8/16/2008)

I finally got to see my girlfriend Neicy!!! She left May 1st and headed to South America. She ended up staying there for 3 months traveling and seeing amazing things! I picked her up at the Marysville bus stop and we spent the afternoon together, along with my girls. We went to lunch and then clothes shopping for school clothes at Tar-Jay! Unfortunately I had to work the night she was here, but my ever so hospitable husband entertained her while I worked. Oh, and I'm sure the girls helped out too

The love of my life (8/14/2008)

9 years ago, my boyfriend got a ride home with Brad.
It was the first time we met, and as the old saying goes,
"The rest is history"

Mr.Jones & me (8/10/2008)

So we recieved a letter from the girls' school yesterday. Layla will be going to morning kindergarten! Her teacher is "Jones"...I don't know if this is a guy or a girl, but she was so excited because she said

"Hey that's just like our street! How could the name be the same as our street!"

Friday we'll take her over for Kindergarten Orientation and she'll meet her teacher, see her classroom, and probably some of the other kids that will be in class with her.

It's so exciting to see my kids be this excited about going to school. I hope they both continue to be this way all the way up to thier senior year. School is amazing, it's fun and you make some of the best friends in the first 5 years of school.

Unfortunately I don't have any of the friends from elementary school anymore, well with one exception, but his bitch ass of a girlfriend doesn't like him talking to me! Whole nother story there.

Anyways, This is the time where memories are in the making. I just know I'll be crying this time around. Layla is my baby, my last baby. She's all grown up now that she's a BIG 5 year old!!!!

Happy Birthday Mom (8/10/2008)

And I just realized what today is. I'm surprised that my aunt hasn't called me yet, or maybe she has I just don't hear the phone ringing.

Today is my Mom's birthday. She would have been 61 years old today. I miss her a lot. I wonder what she would have wanted to do on her day. She'd probably take me out with her to the stables and we'd go on a long trail ride. Or we'd go out to San Francisco to the Golden Gate park. That was a favorite place of hers, especially the Japanese Tea Garden.

Now that I make cakes for all my friends on their birthdays, I wonder what I would make for her. I don't even know what her favorite was.

My mom always had a smile. She was full of laughter, maybe that's where I get it from. She had the best friends, Debbie & Fran. They were the 3 musketeers they called themselves.

I miss you momma! Have a happy birthday!

vegan condoms (8/7/2008)

"What the fuck is a vegan condom, a hollowed out carrot? And why don't you just cut your dick off, is that vegan too? It's meat, so you shouldn't want it."

Girls Just wanna have fun (8/6/2008)

Teagan & Layla
My little girls.
It's so amazing that they are so identical to Brad & me.
It's almost scary sometimes.
Teagan has the personality of Brad, quiet & calm.
Layla is just like me. Freckles, facial expressions.
They are my life.
Everything I do is for them.
Sometimes I wish they would let me sleep in though.

Just one thing after another (8/4/2008)

So last night when I came home from work I had a lot of stuff on my mind. It just kept running through my head, and everytime it would make me more mad then I already was. And really, everything is so stupid, and I think that's what makes it worse.

*************************************************************

Today I woke up to Chandler meowing to be let in. I didn't get up, he eventually went away. Then Oliver started yipping that puppy bark. I also didn't get out of bed for him. About 2 hours later, I slowly wake up and noticed that my neck is stiff as hell! It hurts so bad. Then the neighbors yard service starts mowing her lawn. It's freakin 8am!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I got up and took some ibuprofen. It's only an hour later, but hopefully the pain will go away by this afternoon.

************************************************************************************

I hate trying to be friends with someone that I've never met. I consider myself to be too nice most of the time, and give people the benefit of the doubt until I get to know them. Most of the time, they become friends of mine.

But for some reason this person I've encountered doesn't seem to really care. I've been nice, never have said anything to make her think badly of me, I've invited her out multiple times with my group of friends.

Little comments that probably mean nothing, really get to me. I need to work on that. I think that's the only personality flaw that I have. That I take things that aren't directly meant to hurt ones feelings, and let them get to me.

*Olivia* lives miles away from me. She might as well be in another state that's how far we are from eachother. We have no past together, we've only talked online. I feel like there are things we have in common and that we'd have a fun time if we hung out and really got to know eachother. Like I said, I give people the benefit of the doubt until I'm proved wrong.

You know how when you overhear someone talking suspicisouly about someone, and you think that maybe they are talking about you? Well that's how I feel, but this time I know they are talking about me, and all I've ever done is be nice and just try to be friendly.

I guess you can only be friends with people who choose to be friends back.

************************************************************************************

And then there's this girl that I have been friends with over 5 years. I've brought up a conversation we've had over a holiday with a coworker and my aunt. Both of thier jaws dropped when I told them what she said to me. And seriously after she left my house, I said to my husband, "How dare she say something like that to my face! And in MY home!"


What was said you wonder? Well, this is what she said to me:

"I don't think I would be friends with you, if I had met you now."

So, I asked her why, as I laughed it off, trying to cover up the shock and hurt that she just inflicted on me. She said because that I'm materialistic with my expensive purses, shoes, jeans etc...how I always have nice things, my hair is all shiny/glossy and that I straighten my straight hair, mani's & pedi's, etc...She might as well have called me "Paris Hilton".

There's things that I could say in response to her opinion of me, but I'm not that type of person. I don't talk bad about anyone I know. It just hurt me to hear someone that I called a best friend for the past 5 years tell me that if they had met me know they wouldn't be friends with me, based on how I am on the outside.

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I miss my BFF so much. These are the type of things I go to her with. She is someone that understands me, protects me, listens to me, loves me, cares about me and my family, knows me inside and out, knows ALL of my secrets.Living without her in my daily life has been hard.

Our last night out together was the one of the best nights we had together. And we've had some wild times together!!! But our last night was spent at Woodstocks Pizza in downtown Chico, singing along to some rock-n-roll christmas carols, being sung by the best christmas band ever...The Yule Logs! We were both all decked out in christmas colors, and having the best time at our favorite bar; Joe's!!

We've spent so many nights together at Joe's. It's OUR bar. We are always there if we are out in Chico. We never had to show our ID, we knew the names of the bartenders, the door guys, the bouncers, and the girls that brought us our beers! We've been on top of the bar making out, taking WET PUSSY & BLOW JOB shots on our birthdays, sleeping with the bartender (she did, not me!) and singing at the top of our lungs to Journey, while playing 1-4-24 with my ex boyfriend!

We had our share of baskets of peanuts, and strawberry feilds forever, rum & cokes for her, and vanilla kokks for me. We even danced in the sawdust and made ourselves feel like hamsters. It's just one of those places "Where everybody knows your name"

needles poking my face? (8/4/2008)

When I was at the nail salon today, I saw there before and after pictures of some of their procedures they do...got me to wonder what I would look like with permanant makeup...ie; eyeliner, brows, and lipliner/lipstick

I can't even get a freakin' tattoo and I'm thinking of needles poking my eyes and lips???

Just another manic monday (7/28/2008)

I heard my cell phone alarm go off this morning at 7:55, well Layla is supposed to be at school at 8am, so I threw myself out of bed and got dressed, woke her up got her dressed and headed out the door.

Thank god the school she's going to for smart start is just down the street and on the other side of 99, so we made it with a little bit of time for her to eat something. Well, this is not the point of me telling who ever happens to read this blog of mine. Probably no one :(

Anyways, I didn't park in the parking lot (to far to walk and we're LATE!) so I park up by the caferteria. I signed Layla in and explained to one of her teachers that I work tonight from 10-6am so she may not be here in the morning, we'll see.

Then I grab her a plate of breakfast, and turn around. Then I hear this guy (father of another student...totally should be employed at walmart, wait that would be high class for him, lets go with the dollar store or even better the goodwill store) and he proceeds to tell me that if I'm going to park where I parked and drive through the basketball hoop area where kids are walking to get to class, that I need to slow down.

You see, he wasn't telling me this in a nice way, he was basically yelling at me like I'm a child and I got in trouble for coloring on the wall with a crayon. He (if he had class) could of came up to me, and said "hey, do you mind slowing down next time?" But no, he proceeded to yell at me from about 10 feet away from where I was standing, let alone doing this in front of your child, my child and everyone elses child sitting there, watching this type of behavior!!!!

And the thing that throws me off is there was NO ONE walking to class or across the area where I was driving!!! Yes, had there been children, adults, other cars then YES I would have been driving slower, but that's not the point!! I was only going 10mph!!! I looked to make sure I wasn't driving too fast, I have to be super careful about the way I drive, more to come on that later. But I was totally not driving 25 or more like he probably thought I was doing. And he was in the freaking parking lot BEHIND a chain link fence, about 150yards away from were I was driving.

So, today being Monday, I have started off my day with a low class beat down over weight white trash trailer park living arrogant dick who thinks he knows everything and can intimidate others who he thinks are below him!